I had an interesting experience with a prospective client the other day. She very clearly and congruently dismissed an entire career path with the words “Well, I can’t do that because I need 8 hours of sleep a night and about 5 hours in the morning, at home, to do my waking up and morning rituals.”
In a momentary flash I noticed that there were Protestant Work Ethic parts of me that were not comfortable with this, and there were all the parts of me that are geared up to reframe and expand my clients’ worlds that were jumping up and down with something to say…and I also had to confess that the two were a bit tangled up in a way that was not useful to my client. On her map this was just a fact, something about herself that she was comfortable with, and that was part of her centered and present state. It was in no way shape or form coded as a problem or a limitation, it was who she was and who she wanted to be.
I am very fortunate to have had the kind of training that allowed me notice myself very briefly, and then let that go, to enter into her world in a useful way. But following the call I took a few minutes to engage with the question:
“What do you need?” and the corollary “How would you know when your needs are being met?”
The usual question that starts a Changework session (stated verbally or implicitly present in the practitioner’s mind) is: “What would you like?” For me, on my map of reality, this is a very different question because it presupposes that the results are optional. When I engage with the question “What do you need?” results have to do with survival, so I engage with parts of me that can solve problems in a clear and strong way; parts that are very decisive and know how to get things done…even if the cost is something I think I’d like.
When I look at business models that I have tried out in the past and not succeeded very well with, I can see that many of my needs were being treated as optional. For example, recreation time is really not optional it is a human need…if we don’t give it to ourselves, our system will take it (and sometimes at really inconvenient times, like falling asleep at an important meeting).
So try this, what do you really need to be at your best? Now look at some of the decisions you have on your plate and see if your needs can even be met if you go down that path. You may have some re-deciding to do.
What Do You Need?
I had an interesting experience with a prospective client the other day. She very clearly and congruently dismissed an entire career path with the words “Well, I can’t do that because I need 8 hours of sleep a night and I need about 5 hours in the morning, at home, to do my waking up and morning rituals.”
In a momentary flash I noticed that there were Protestant Work Ethic parts of me that were not comfortable with this, and there were all the parts of me that are geared up to reframe and expand my clients’ worlds that were jumping up and down with something to say…and I also had to confess that the two were a bit tangled up in a way that was not useful to my client. On her map this was just a fact, something about herself that she was comfortable with, and that was part of her centered and present state. It was in no way shape or form coded as a problem or a limitation, it was who she was and who she wanted to be.
I am very fortunate to have had the kind of training that allowed me notice myself very briefly, and then let that go to enter into her world in a useful way. But following the call I took a few minutes to engage with the question:
“What do you need?” and the corollary “How would you know when your needs are being met?”
The usual question that starts a Changework session (stated verbally or implicitly present in the practitioner’s mind) is: “What would you like?” For me, on my map of reality, this is a very different question because it presupposes that the results are optional. When I engage with the question “What do you need?” Results have to do with survival, so I engage with parts of me that can solve problems in a clear and strong way, that are very decisive and know how to get things done…even if the cost is something I think I’d like.
When I look at business models that I have tried out in the past and not succeeded very well with, I can see that many of my needs were being treated as optional. For example, recreation time is really not optional it is a human need…if we don’t give it to ourselves, our system will take it (and sometimes at really inconvenient times, like falling asleep at an important meeting).
So try this, what do you really need to be at your best? Now look at some of the decisions you have on your plate and see if your needs can even be met if you go down that path. You may have some re-deciding to do.
